Sunday, May 27, 2012

How to maximize your 401k losses

(future 401k victim)

I got a phone call from an old anarchist friend yesterday, telling me how proud he is of me, to have quit my job without a replacement.  

Earlier in the day I had a similar call, from a leftist - though the nature of this call was purely inquisitive - wondering what my mother in law and wife thought of it.  

Oh, I chuckled, "They don't even know.  Every day I still pretend to go to work."

No.  Do not worry gentle readers.  I plan on working again.  I just need a break.  Surely the system can't be set up to our perpetual dissatisfaction, without periodic cessation?  Who would wish to live in such an unending, hostile economic environment?  One in which they are expected to unceasingly lose?

Yes, there are bills to pay.  There is a baby, a new house to consider.  But I have money, lots of it.  It's just locked away in a place in which I am punished upon its removal, a 401k con.  So be it, I say.  I am rewarded to put the money in this place, then punished to withdraw it.  Those two counter-axioms tell me all that I need to know.  I'm being cheated.  They are using my money to their advantage, then disproportionately distributing far less of the profits to me.  I am meagerly rewarded to allow this, then greatly punished to stop it.  The government is, of course, complicit in this grift.  The structure of the swindle was designed by them.  It's precisely why others are able to quickly remove their money from a failing fund and I am not.  They need to lock suckers in to make the scam complete.  The losers go down with the ship.  

The name of my 401k is Titanic Investments, a behemoth in the Bonds and Money Market industries.

I can be fleeced out of this money at almost any time, of course.  All that is required is that fraud occur on almost unimaginable levels, then the money disappears and I am left without an apology.  They bill me for the theft, in fact.  It happens all the time.  Just read the news.  Rarely is anybody punished.  The system itself is too complicated to blame anybody.  

So, why let anybody do such a thing?  The idea is to get out of a plan that's going south, even if it hurts.  I used the job and the money to get the house.  Now I just need to get the money, whatever there is of it, before they do.

In the meantime...

I am currently open for business, providing technical support to the Sonoma/Napa communities. I have had over 5 years experience at the Apple Corporation, working solely as a technician.  I'm the best.  

I have always resisted doing this type of work while there.  It was frowned upon, moonlighting.  There are lots of frowns to go around there.  But now all that has changed.  I am good, some would say very good, and my prices are reasonable.  My hours are flexible and I'm always willing to help in an emergency.  Cash payments are preferred, but this is only so the 401k gods don't get angry.  I wouldn't want to take the pennies from the mouths of millionaires, nor from the hands of my loving government.

I think this year I'm going to take Warren Buffett up on his offer and pay additional taxes.  I'm just gonna run that idea by the wifey first.