Tuesday, May 15, 2012

225 lbs.

(Ten Tree Hill)

God damn it.  225 pounds.  We went to the doctor's office today, a regular checkup for Rhys.  He was fine.  I was not.  I've been on what some would consider a difficult diet for months.  I've only lost 7 pounds.  No dairy, no fried foods, no soda.  The no-dairy part many would consider very difficult, if not extreme.  Try it.  It is not easy.  Every restaurant puts butter in their food, even the "vegetarian" dishes, I promise.  Ask any vegan.  

We were there for Rhys to get a regular checkup.  He was fine.  I think I've already said that.  He has grown 6 inches in 3 months, approx.  The boy is the very picture of health, a testament to it.  He daily celebrates growth in millimeters.

But me, I was distraught, inconsolable.  I stood there, staring down at this medieval contraption, this visual torture device.  How could this be?  I adjusted, then readjusted the weights.  The lead told no lies.  225.  I watched the scale balance itself.  225.  I stepped off and stepped on again. 225.  I made sure it balanced out at 0 lbs., tried again.


I don't understand it.  My jeans were fitting better, mirrors had stopped smirking and began smiling at me, I could breathe without huffing.  I stopped avoiding unnecessary stairs.  I had stopped double-guessing beer.  My teeth were whiter.  Hair had returned to its rightful place upon my crown.  I had brought halt to the unceasing guilt.  I was ready to get naked in front of crowds again.  All of that.  

Why me, why now?  I was on the verge of happiness, the cusp of contentment....  Now I must commit to even darker extremities in diet.  I have no idea where the additional prudence will emerge from; from what corner of the spirit I will be pressed to tap, some dark recess of the militant meal mind.  I will eat my own hunger for lunch.


I was going to stop there.  I began to re-read these paragraphs, to scan them for typos or errors, when I scanned the first paragraph all I saw was, "We went to the doctor's office today, a regular porkchop...."