Saturday, July 19, 2014

Humor should be protected, or at least kept away from the cops

(Rizzo, the wonder pup)

I want a secret life. It's as if everybody has one, except me.

If I had a secret life I would probably write about it on this site, though. That's the surest way to not have one: to be persistently confessional.

Having a secret life seems like it requires a lot of energy, of course, but being able to spring it on your friends who are oblivious seems like it packs such private, personal whallop. 

My life is more like skiing with an inter-tube; it is imprecise, unexpected, fun for a while, and designed for disaster. A rudderless catastrophe. 

I suppose I might be doomed to live the other type of life, the one where secret acknowledgement of deviance plays less of a role, or not at all.

I mean, I do secret things, but Rachel knows about them. So, they fail, at the level of secrecy.

How does one acquire a truly secret life? I want to know, so that I can tell everybody.

Yesterday, as promised, we went hiking. Alberta Falls, in the Rocky Mountain National Park. Fantastic drive into the park and a great trail. We took my buddy's "service dog" and were questioned by every Park Ranger and volunteer we encountered. I believe that by law they are only allowed to ask if it is a service dog and what type. My buddy lied and said that he was epileptic. It always brings me barely contained private pleasure to openly lie to law enforcement officials. 


Though, admittedly, Park Rangers are about the friendliest law enforcement agents that you will ever find, anywhere. All cops should be trained by the National Park Service. 

I would have told them that he was my service dog and I had diarrhea. I believe that all you have to say is "medical" but we were having too much fun making up faux reasons for the pup's presence in the park.

We let him off the leash to the great astonishment of many hikers. They had never seen anything like it in a National Park, a privately owned animal running free. Clearly seeing an animal off its leash is not the reason they come to a place like that. 

I kid. Nobody at all seemed upset by it. The dog is very well-mannered and friendly. He made many new friends on the trail. 

Then, lunch in Lyon. Local beers and chicken wings and burgers.

Tomorrow, a bbq at an old friend's house whom I haven't seen in many years, perhaps as many as fifteen years, or more. Should be fun. 

A lot of my elderly friends, like CS, question my time spent on Facebook. They miss one simple joy there though, I think: the open opportunity to poke cops in the proverbial eye. 

It's fucking great sport. 

A few of my friends have friends that are cops, for reasons that I don't quite understand. So, inevitably conversations will surround an alleged citizen, you know, where a group of cops accidentally choked somebody to death in the normal line of duty

The cops always point out that if the person had simply agreed with their arrest then there wouldn't have been any problems. Because that's what the courts are for, disagreeing with the particulars of your arrest. Things go so much better for arrestees in court, of course, especially for the minorities. 

Nothing warms a judges heart like the phrase "resisting arrest."

I get so tired of hearing how cops are "just like everybody else"... No they're fucking not. Go to a bbq. If a cop shows up there is a distinct and unnecessary sense of something being projected from them. As if at any time the whim to exert control over the situation might just take them, or be required of them, for the safety of everybody involved. The only times cops giggle is if you make a gang-rape joke.

Not all of them, is the common response.

Too many of them, is mine.

Fuck them and everything about them. They are the armed, funded henchmen of the near future. They know it, and they even seem to enjoy it. 

That's just the violence they regularly display. What about the systematic misuse of "probable cause"...?  Of course they believe it's reasonable to trample people's rights. The justification is the result. 

Or, "detainment," which is the law they created to take away your rights and hold you in custody without charging you for a crime, for your own good....

When is it ever in your best interest to have your rights taken away without recourse? 

When they say so, that's when.

So, Facebook is a place where you can safely tell them what witless, petty, corrupt autocrats they are. 

For now...

Don't let the opportunity pass you by. 

It might not come again.