Thursday, July 6, 2017

Smells Like Amphetamine Spirit





I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with Teen. Seems easy enough, but the word Ovaltine kept interfering with my morning. 

Well, the underwater camera is fun. Right away I wanted a better one, but this will do. It works, and Rhys could use it. I won't post an underwater picture of myself here. I am almost 50, my skin looks like the flesh of a plucked chicken, but one that started growing runaway pubic hair., like one ball's worth spread out over my entire upper back. It makes no sense, and I have yet to determine its evolutionary purpose and why it would occur at this age. Unless it is to my species' advantage that I be sexually shamed at the appearance of my own body. It does have the effect of thinning the herd a bit. The most fertile women among us are able to avoid me in the way that matters. 

I can never figure out why women will have sex with men. It seems disgusting. I wouldn't do it. I know some men that will have sex with men, and hairy ones. They seem to simply love the stuff. The more hair, the better. I am quite popular with that sort. Ever since becoming a father there are a handful of men that have decided that I am the straight guy that they most want to pervert towards the sweet, delicious act of man-on-man carnality, the way god intended. That I am straight only seems to heighten and focus their gay lust for me. It's not a myth - some gay men want very badly to have sex with straight men, it's true. 

A few of them have tried to convince me that if I were to try it, just one time, that I would never go back to filthy women. Tempting as that is, I have somehow found the strength to abstain. When I do find myself enticed by the demons of homosexuality, I think of our own Vice President crying in his prayers for me, wanting to find funding for a biblically compassionate solution to the gay problem. 

That's how I have been able to keep from getting erections in my sleep, also. Prayer, it really works! 
 

So, I put some lipstick around the rim of my butthole just to see what it felt like. It was okay. After a while I didn't want it on there any more, but it did look nice in the mirror before it became smeared and looked much less intentional. Perhaps burgundy was a poor color choice. It was all I had lying around. 

I should have used a Kissing Stick - bubble gum or cotton candy. 

What was I thinking?








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