Thursday, September 11, 2014


(They were fixing the penis of the robot)

People who hate Apple products are sad, aren't they?

Just very sad, sad people.

I am looking forward to getting a new phone, though.  Extra screen real estate will be very nice. I'll be able to bluetooth it to my watch and then send the data directly to my penis pump. Apple will be able to report back to me on friction and speed, for the improvement of technique. I think it's called a circuit.

They'll know that I'm about to have a heart attack long before I actually have one. That'll be nice, and a stroke, too.

Hulu commercials will look so nice in their new patented "retina vision."

No, I'm just being cornea.

But soon enough, Apple will need to take over the health insurance industry. It's the next logical step for a tech giant, a company that will have more information about your daily health habits than your doctor, pharmacist, insurance company, and even you.

The NSA must be simply fuming.

It won't require much research on your part to discover that the information they have about you, info. they are charging you to both collect and store, is also theirs to share. Willingness to give away health data in this way is not exactly covered by HIPAA. 

Cash registers everywhere will explode in a frenzy of transfers. You'll be able to give blood anywhere you choose with the new integrated iNeedle. 

No, iKid, iKid....

If they have their way, they'll be charging you a monthly fee to listen to commercials off of your own hard drive.

It's the missing link in the capitalist equation. It's called a convenience charge.

I know I get a real charge from convenience. 

It won't take much for somebody on the board of directors to finally figure out where they went wrong with what "the cloud" was offering, to charge you to store your own property, when they should have been charging advertisers to store their commercials on your local hard drives, and letting you fend for yourself, but then charging you to do so. 

Ah well, a minor misstep, one easily enough corrected.

It's called subsidized pricing. It'll all be part of the new Terms and Agreement. You buy your phone and get told in the process that your phone company is buying most of it for you. Always reminded that you are lucky for being treated so well by your cell provider. Give them a call to thank them one day, see if you can get through.

Monthly pricing will be based on how many Facebook friends you have, and how willing you are to share. 

Because if we are not free to share then the bad guys must be beaten, again and again.

Ah well, at least I'll finally have something that feels like a Galaxy in my pocket.