Saturday, November 23, 2013

Hammer Time

Still, desperately trying to make some sense of it all. Life gets confusing and then, somehow, simple again. You prioritize your needs, your wants, your fears… then submerge them in repression and denial, where they're safe.

Starbucks will likely help me with all of that.

My anxieties find solace in the murky depths of morning coffee. 

I found out yesterday that I am getting a promotion at work. It was anticipated. I had interviewed for it several times and the decision finally came down… I was going to be rewarded for my dedication and hard work. 

I had hoped to never say that last sentence, but there it is.

I always fashioned myself to be more of a lottery-winner than one who achieves anything through sustained effort. 

I was born free, etc.

If I ever win the lottery, here is what I will do:

- Hire a film crew 
- Fire them for having attitude problems
- Repeat
- Take all of my friends on an emergency European culinary tour. Hotels, exteriors, etc.
- Film the whole thing in costly handheld video
- Hire an editing team
- Make a documentary about the fastest lottery winnings loser of all time
- Make my money back on the college film festival circuit
- Challenge new lottery winners to beat me
- Film them, or video
- Repeat.

I haven't worked out all of the details yet. It is my American Dream: to document the sudden financial loss of others.

"You can't lose if you don't play" 

That's my motto.

I also thought of a way to make money if I ever discovered the key to traveling backwards through time: I would buy a box of sports almanacs and then go back and sell them to all the rubes. 

I'd make a freakin' killing.

You see? I've never been very good at keeping money, even though there have been times in my life when I made lots of it, more than I knew what to do with, obviously. It's all gone. Making the money was never dependent upon my economic sense, however. It was all circumstantial.

Right place, right time.

I just tried to spell circumstantial as circumstansial and then circumstancial

See what I mean?

Starbucks will likely help me with that.

Here is the key to my financial success: stay out of debt

It's very simple. 

- Don't get into debt

- Get out of debt

- Stay out of debt

That last one's important.

Do you see now why they promoted me? When you possess the capacity for high level problem solving like that… well, it's what's commonly known as a "no-brainer" in my chosen industry.

That word is funny: industry. There's no such thing any more, not in my field anyway. It is mostly imaginary, a realm where I can pretend to excel. 

I had meant to write a more honest accounting of my feelings this morning but couldn't bring myself around to it. Life is tough, and no true story-teller would suggest otherwise. But that's what I've done.

For additional insight on how to lose money and yet still stay out of debt, check here.