Saturday, August 24, 2013

Love is a delightful burden

(The Lantern Bearers)

Rhys likes to say no, mostly to me. It is a breakthrough, a heartbreak. It's a phase, I am told. Whenever I try to pick him up, or get him out of his crib, or push the grocery cart while he's in it, or play with him, or talk to him, etc.


It's almost exclusively when mom is nearby, though it's nothing that she's doing. It's not her fault, I mean. She's just being mom and Rhys is learning new things, like how to accept and how to reject. I suppose that all of these lessons are important lessons to learn. It's never easy being the latter of those two choices, no matter what the circumstance. But with the little boy, it is crushing. For me, I mean. It is crushing for me.

I try to take it in stride. Those of you who know me might chuckle at that. If there is one thing that my personality is rarely noted for it would be taking emotions in stride. I enjoy the full range of them, much more than most people care for, or could stand. It gives one a unique and ever-changing perspective. 

But many things don't require a wide range in emotional viewpoint. I get them anyway. 

Pandora with Sisyphus' burden. Well, perhaps that is a bit melodramatic. I'm not sure if I contain and release all of the evils of the world, nor is my punishment the result of incurable deceit. I use the myths very loosely. Life is full of recurring surprises.

Everybody exhibits some minor emotional eccentricities. It is part of what makes humans dynamic, or tedious. Some people possess amplified versions of those perfectly normal characteristics, or become possessed by them, which is not only a matter of subtle differences. In the same way that most can not change even minor attributes of themselves, others can not choose to simply feel a certain way about a thing, or at a time. Choice in disposition is a luxury that many do not recognize, they treat its inability likewise, as just a poor choice by another. 

As if it is just passionate non-conformity, by selection. You must have read the wrong books, liked all of the bad bands, emulated the trouble-makers, sat in the back of the class....

Sure. That must be it.

(Cadmus Sowing the Dragon's Teeth)