Sunday, July 28, 2013

You Must Remember This

Strange things arise from being accused of untrustworthiness. The impulse to suddenly disprove is doomed to failure. Trust can not be proved in an instant, it is maintained over time. It is an essence, not a moment; or at least not dependent upon a single moment. 

Few things will provoke resentment more than the accusation. It is similar to the negative side of sexual jealousy, but without the erotic fascination affixed to it. It is just a painful confusion from which there is no simple escape. You are forced to examine minutiae, looking for evidence to refute. The mind scrambles. You find yourself arguing with and for insignificant details, offering explanations to acts and incidents that require none. 

It is a quite devious interpersonal tactic. The accusation, or even the suggestion, forces the accused into a defensive space from which they are then expected to prove their worthiness, without ever having prepared. The people who prepare to prove their trustworthiness are those that generally do not deserve it. What sort of person contemplates such a thing? Perhaps only the schemers. So, once the indictment has been made the mind begins to suddenly construct. It is easily detected by all and tends to support the accusation.

Innocent people don't act that way, nor should they.

You find yourself searching the behavioral files and sounding like a politician accused of a heresy, or worse. 

The worst form of this accusation is when it is not openly made, it is only suggested, through behavior and alternate choices. It leaves no adequate way to respond. Any reaction appears self-consciously prepared. No loved person should be expected to act with emotional insistence, but that is the result. It is insidious, corrosive. 

That's my wisdom for the day: be wary of those that would make you feel less than deserving. 

The minute that you settle for less than you deserve then you'll get even less than you settled for.