Another great sunrise. I'm getting really good at those. Just in time, too.
Why do vacations always fall a few weeks distant from when you really, truly, desperately need them. It's like having to piss while you're in the car, in traffic. You can hold it as long as is needed, most of the time, but not a single millisecond longer. True pissing happiness is always somewhere in the past. The present piss is often a nearly averted tragedy of uric proportions.
I bet death is like that also, just more painful.
I knew it had to happen soon. I could feel it coming like a siren, but holy fuck I didn't think I could wait another moment.
I have a vacation coming soon. Next week. I need it
Tonight, I go swimming with the boy. We go to classes together where he learns to hold his breath and trust me. He is loving it all more and more: life. I am loving it right along with him, with a swimming limp, yet still able to keep up.
The experience of being a parent really does take one, at times.
It might not make any of this more meaningful... for some, somehow. It certainly makes life more wide and deep, for me. I suppose it might require a cursory understanding of how meaning is derived; for and of the subject. Meaning gasps and struggles, sometimes. No true teller would tell otherwise. Though every now and then, with a nice clean underwater streamline stroke, there is that sense of weightless gliding that is like no other. It feels earned and deserved, somehow more valuable as such. The pushing off, or diving in; the depth, the suspension; the weight of the water around you, reminding. Freedom as a result of it, rather than freedom from it.
The dry analysts of immersion are many.
If meaning can be measured in richness of experience then I suppose that is how some might somehow miss the thing itself, life. A child can occasionally validate intense emotion as an authentic source of aesthetic experience, with seeming effortlessness. The results can be intense.
No true Romantic would fail to sense that.
That's no cruel criticism, either, brother.