Saturday, March 10, 2018

Los Francisco

We made it to LA. Well, sort of. Venice, CA. The boy stayed up the entire time, until 11pm. I suppose he wanted to see what the adult world was all about. Like most, he is fascinated by things cloaked from his access. 

I was going to describe our departure from Sonoma, our drive into SF to pick Mom up, and then our time traveling down Interstate 5, but I've already provided ample evidence to demonstrate that I'll be 50 this year. PM me for weather, windspeed, barometer reading, accident reports and all other driving conditions up to and including precise calculations on mileage/gas usage. 

We stopped at Kettleman City to see the new Tesla electric car charging superstation, because we are nothing if not liberal. We walked around marveling at all of the science in the air around us and the wires, offering to start up casual conversations about Obama or wind power, letting everybody know at what price we bought in to Apple stock but of course not where we sold. 

In truth we stopped to go to this themed roadside "attraction" whose main subject seems to the the old west, or maybe the California gold rush of 1849. You'll get the idea with this image of one of the many kid's playground there. Old Timey fun. 

The boy ran around discovering all of the little hidden passageways and secret slides. He made a friend, who was celebrating his birthday, so they raced each other to see who was faster. Kids are great. They make friends as needed. I wish I could do that. I'm struggling to hold on to any of my friends. I blame my speech, behavior, and demeanor.

But, as with so many other things in life, in searching quickly for that image I discovered that kids are being born deformed and dying at an incredibly alarming rate there, because the little interstate stop (not the one pictured above, but the township in general) is a toxic waste dump. It doesn't even qualify as being a city, which is perhaps why a company would opt to operate there. Who knows. 

So, congrats on your new location, Nikolai. You really did it!

In Tesla's defense, this little blip on the map is conveniently located at the midway point in the drive between SF and LA. It functions as a family mediator if LA and SF were sibling cities. LA would be Martin Shkreli and SF would be Bikram Choudhury, though Bikram might still be wandering the surface of the moon at Burning Man, trying to "re-find himself."

Are those references too obscure? Ah well, if you are reading this then you should have internet access. If not, please contact me privately. I am also deeply interested in time travel. 

In the future, time travel will not only be possible it will be mandatory. Every twelve months, starting Sunday, you will have to go forward to a time that the government wants you to be in. Otherwise you might sunder the sacred Daylight Spacetime Discontinuum.