It's true, life is easier. I've stopped clicking on political posts, have stopped reading news from the front lines. Now, I'll just watch people on Facebook attempt to navigate the complexities of using Milo Yiannopoulus as a new way to attack mainstream media, letting everybody know how dishonest the media has been about this poor misrepresented fellow.
What the fuck. That twat hasn't done anything to deserve to be heard in the first place, now we have the casual media experts claiming that he's being portrayed unfairly. How, you ask?
Oh, just by letting him speak on talk shows, you know.
I've decided that's how to insulate myself against stupid mistakes. I'm going to start shooting a documentary that concerns myself and my own behavior. Any time I make an egregious personal mistake of some sort I'll just claim that it's the way the filmmaker edited the pieces, only to make it seem that way. I'll warn everyone not to be so easily manipulated by how things are presented.
I'm being treated unfairly by the media, also.
Some time ago I recognized that most of my liberal friends weren't any more well informed than were my conservative friends, they just held a different set of facts more closely to their hearts. All that it took was a Trump presidency to unravel them, myself included. Now I question whether or not anybody should be allowed to vote. The concept of democracy no longer unites us in even the most tenuous of ways.
I'm hoping that a prime-time interview and exposé with those two Russian refugettes that were paid to urinate for another's pleasure hits the airwaves and lets us all finally agree on something again. Yep, those woman are definitely pissing on his face, no question about it.
Our long national nightmare is over.
Oh wait, what am I doing? I have today off from work, and am considering taking another couple days. Why not? There is nothing pressing at work waiting for me, and this little break is accomplishing precisely what I had hoped that it would. I feel relaxed. I accepted Jesus into my dirty old rotten heart on Sunday evening (see pic above, which captures the very moment that it happened). So, that might have something to do with me feeling as if a great weight has finally been lifted off of me. I was tired of drowning in the torment of living hell that is and has been my secret, personal sin.
No, most of my sins have found their way out through this site, in one form or another. This is my ablution. That, or I have grown bored of my previous sins over time. The iniquities of a young man are not always what sustain a man in his middle years. I would accept much milder sins as being more than adequate, now. I used to require very large sins to keep me happy. Eventually I grew bored of just the ones described in the bible. I needed contemporary improprieties to help pass the days. That, or I would need to dig back into pagan times, into the crimes of emperors.
The phrase registered sex offender seems too official for my purposes. Isn't there a phrase that describes just a slightly more normal version of man? One that exists somewhere between emperor and criminal?
Oh, I had hoped to write something simple and serious. It's too late now. There is no fixing a post once it gulps the language of exaggeration.
Have I ever told you about my best friend, Caligula? I privately mourn the day of his assassination, January 24th. That's the only holiday that brings me to tears each year.
Rumors are that his horse, Incitatus, had quite the life. The emperor appointed him to the priesthood and tried to make him a senator with full voting rights. It was a pre-Catholic priesthood, so it doesn't matter as much. I think he was maybe allowed to poop in one of the temples. He was fed oats with gold flakes in them, because he deserved a belly full of gold.
Once, when he had run out of criminals to use for the games in the Circus - on the spot that the Vatican now occupies - Caligula ordered an entire section of the audience to be forced onto the field and fed to the wild animals.
The show must go on.
The tale that Little Boots strapped his sisters to the roof of the senate building and then had Incitatus and other favored horses conduct coitus on them while senators and their families paid to watch is perhaps either allegorical or apocryphal, but no less instructive as such. When it was all over the charge for watching was still treason. His brother Nero was lucky to have escaped the accusation. After all, hadn't he just been through enough already?
Once, when Emperor Tiberius was entertaining the young Caligula in the palace he noted that he should perhaps not continue to indulge the boy's worst impulses, that he was becoming increasingly paranoid and notably sadistic. Tiberius described it thus: ... nursing a viper in the bosom of Rome.
Happy Presidents' Hour!
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