We become the things we've repeated

A windstorm upon wakening; unsettling, and apropos. Tree branches scraping the sides of the house. Boxes filling the hallways in the dark, unexpected shapes to navigate.

I will be moving into a new apartment today. I had considered putting it off and wandering the states like a dusty nomad, but other concerns guided my choices. 

Now, I will learn to make a nice roast beef and veggies on Sundays, probably become a born-again Christian for old time's sake.

I still have more packing to do, of course. I have put everything off until the very last minute. Once the stuff is loaded into the truck I will rush to the bank to get a cashier's check for the deposit. Enormous sums of money, to me, leaping from my account at irregular intervals. Soon enough the sums will become much more regular. I will complain about it all here, to remind you, dear readers.

Even though I lived in an apartment in the East Village it didn't feel like an apartment. There's something different about apartments there. They feel as if they were always something else previously. They only seem to be apartments as a slapdash afterthought. An apartment in Sonoma, alternately, feels that it is precisely what is was meant to be and will never be anything but that.

This apartment is quite a bit more expensive than the one I had in NYC. Hard to believe, I know.

At least I will have my own space again. At 46, my needs have changed. Rhys will share the space with me, of course. He will have his own room, something that I'm sure he will appreciate, though I'd like to believe that he'll also miss sleeping in my room. 

My advice: do not get divorced, if you have kids it is staggeringly difficult. It consumes your entire life. For the foreseeable future, at least one year, all I can envision is working to sustain this apartment. 

I'm happy about it. It was my choice. 

I'm happy about it. It was my choice. 

I'm happy about it. It was my choice. 

I'm happy about it. It was my choice. 

I'm happy about it. It was my choice. 

I'm happy about it. It was my choice. 

I'm happy about it. It was my choice. 

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