Sunday, December 7, 2014

Deep in the Bohemian Basin


The weekend feels as if it's already over. Mondays hang over Sundays like wet moss.

My life is about to undergo some fresh changes. I invite them. There is a last-minute offer to play Prague for New Year's Eve and I want to take it, though the circumstances of life seem as if they might act in preventative ways, again. Aging seems to be only part of the problem, the conditions surrounding age add unexpected restrictions to its dynamic. 

The spirit is willing, the body is strong. So, tell me, what went wrong? 

Anybody can get by with two of these qualities: poverty, dreams, children. Trying to possess all three simultaneously is excessive and ill-advised. I suppose that poverty might have to go. I've held on for as long as I can. It was my one last remaining virtue.

Having a kid is great, if that's mostly all you ever wish to do. The boy is not old enough yet to come with me to Prague. He and I are entertained by different things. I suspect that my Czech friends would not find the same amusement in him as I do.

Who knows, they are a complex, wanton people who might respond positively to his preternatural wailings.

I invite chaos up to a point. The problem being, that point is often well past other's limitations for confusion and disorder, particularly when I am positioned as either the conduit or source. 

Having a child regulates some of this, in one way, though not always by your own design or timeframe. Things keep changing, demands keep transitioning unexpectedly, and it feels like chaos to me, though I recognize that in some ways it is happening by a certain pre-determined order. I am experiencing the quanta of parenthood.

Who knows, maybe the boy would love Prague in the winter, just like me; the dancing house, the castles and many spires, and even a dose of Kafka, too!