There is so much to say, but no easy way to say it. The time of the corona is wearing me down. I have gained much weight. Eating has not lowered my stress.
Tomorrow, I spend a day with the boy, mostly just he and I. Mom might meet us at the batting cages towards the end of the day. The boy and I might try to find a beach where we can ride our bikes. I pitched him about 200 baseballs in the backyard today. I was sweating heavily and my breathing was labored. Eating has not lowered my stress.
Tomorrow we may find a beach that permits bikes and ride ours as far up and down it as we wish. We will stop and enjoy oysters at what is quickly becoming our place. The day is ours to do with as we wish, though there are some heavy errands to do, also. The purchasing of a pretty big generator, in preparation for the seasonal fires and power outages.
What a world, what a world...
Rachel and I have done so very little to save our relationship. We need it to work. That is the extent of the faith we've put into it - we need it. It breaks my heart over and over again. So much love squandered, lost, destroyed, or forgotten. None of it should surprise me any more. Maybe it doesn't. It's more of a shock, but without much surprise. The things we need.