Monday, April 20, 2015

Like a Bridge Over Double Whatever

Taking days off from work is a glorious feeling, truly. I like my job, but still... it is something that I must do, and an occasional relief from responsibilities should be a requirement also. I will encourage my buddy to go get pork noodles with me from Ippudo today. It is raining, but the restaurant is close and the beer on draft is very cold.

Unsurprisingly, I miss my son. Talking with him on Facetime is not the same. I have been walking around asking myself if I would move back to NYC and the answer comes back a resounding Yes! Though, when I consider what my relationship with the boy might become, strained and difficult to connect, then the plan starts to crumble. Several people have reminded me that I must focus on my happiness first, as it is better for me to be a happy dad than merely a present dad.

It is a lot to think about. Escape is easy to consider when everything you hoped for in life has collapsed around you.

I wish that I would not have written so candidly about the feelings of others towards Rachel yesterday. It serves no purpose. Divorce is difficult. I must remind myself that others would encourage Rachel that she has done the right thing and all of this is the best thing for her, if I were not present in the conversation. It is the way people are. They try to be helpful. In the falling apart they sometimes forget that there is still love for the other person. You care, and to some degree that other person still represents you, as part of the choices you have made about life and that you found them worthy of love for many years, perhaps even years to come, though in a modified capacity, diminished to its purely abstract form.

Renouncing Satan did very little to help me this morning. The forecast says that it will rain all day. Weather is perhaps oblivious to my renunciations. Or, perhaps he is just striking back.

A friend wrote yesterday, prepping me for my Washington trip, reminding me of his wife's Irish-Catholocism. I assured him that I can fit right in. I am not one who would demonstrate the paucity of evidence for the existence of God, not at dinner.

When he and his wife came to visit Rachel and I in NYC we went to Holy Basil (since closed) for dinner and afterwards I demonstrated my belief in the power of spirituality by singing along with Art Garfunkel at the top of my lungs, and at the peak of my register. She found it to be "quirky but cute." Most people I just frighten with my unrelenting enthusiasms.

If you need a friend, I'm sailing right behind. 
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind....