Monday, June 6, 2011

a budding recluse

Life is changing for me, suddenly. Some of it is for good reason. Other changes are a complete mystery.  I am becoming more misanthropic.  I am avoiding groups.  I used to seek them out, albeit specific ones: late at night... in crowded, dark clubs... with loud music playing.  

Perhaps I was not so different then.

The things that used to bring me pleasure no longer do. They cause me anxiety mostly.

I am wondering if the changes I am going through are happening too late in life.  It has always taken me much longer than it should to grow up. I am 42 this year and still struggling, as my father put it, with issues that most men deal with in their early 20's.  Perhaps he is right.  He has said some other things that were very sensible recently.

I might guess that I need some more time alone but that has not seemed to help me along the way.  

Still, that is what I want.  Just time to lie in bed and read, mostly undisturbed.