Sunday, March 1, 2020

Nudes of Mom

(Waiting to glimpse Mommy)

I meant my mother yesterday, not innocent little Raquel. It helps me relieve stress to look at naked pictures of my mom. It makes me feel vice, presidential. Pence-ive. 

Yes, yes, yes... I saw the humor in the sentence yesterday, and the horror, and went with it anyway. I was going to write mommy, but kept it simple.

Mother knows best. Mom can be anything.

Like most boys, I used to sniff my mom's underwear. Not that most boys sniffed my mom's underwear, but maybe theirs. I didn't know that you were supposed to sniff the dirty ones though. You can imagine my surprise when I first encountered a real vagina, excreting its own glandular and bacterial scents. I was driven wild with lust. At fourteen or fifteen that's mostly all that you have is wildness and lust. I was blessed with both.

My mother lost both of her breasts to cancer, so I had fewer childhood opportunities to connect with them as desirable flesh. I connected them with fear of loss and disfigurement, and the pain of femininity. I remember my mother talking to me about what their loss meant to her. She centered on it not mattering, as long as she was able to stay alive to be my mother. I also saw them as a connection to life, even in their absence.

Like most boys, I found the breasts of the girls and young women that would show them to me or let me touch them or put my mouth on them to be miraculous, and still do. Few things appear as naturally beautiful as do breasts. Titties.

I agree with CS. Such things are interesting. It is very rare that anyone has ever offered me too much information. If I've ever said that phrase to shut somebody up it was because of their personality, not the information they offered.

I am torn between preparing for the coronavirus and buying a new camera. Sure, I could do both or neither, but what the fuck, do I have to do everything, or ignore everything that there is to do, around here? All the time?

My problem is that I have already "invested" so much into photography. As the boy gets older he is becoming ambivalent about the process, and mom and I are getting older. Neither of us finds many portraits of ourselves that we like as much any more. Mom asks me to take sunny portraits of her so that she can update her LinkedIn profile. etc. How many cameras does one need for that?

Sure, Rhys will be playing sports soon, so I'll need a better telephoto lens, but beyond that I probably have all that I need.

Nobody sleeps naked around here any more.

 (Pre-Dad and Pre-Mom)

(The Babymaker, with feeders)