Thursday, August 29, 2019

Shine A Light

In keeping with the themes of my life, more pics of the boy and his mom. I love this image. 

I read a quotation recently about the importance of running away, and something about rebirth and maybe leaving a part of the slate blank, breaking habits, forcing new experience, a starting point for art and actual physical escape being a necessary process for an artist. 

It made me sad, at how I spend my time and resources. I can't remember the quotation enough to serve it justice here. I have probably added nonsense and muddled its message.

I was riding my bike today and something about my basic outlook on life came to me in simple sentence form. I won't write it here, yet. I am not sure how I feel about it. It seemed cowardly, lame. The truth of it was strange and shocking. I was embarrassed of it yet I've known it all along, even taken pride in it and have voiced it in one way or another as a leitmotif most of my life. 

But I'm ready to try something differently, I hope, soon. I'm not sure what but some aspect of my life needs to change. Things have become too stagnant around me, my life too stable. In that I am sagging without comfort. It is the discomfort perhaps of a stability I have never known.  

Perhaps I'll run off to Berlin and join a circus with Cato. He has grown tired of the ills of capitalism and speaks of the natural purity of communes, of all the beautiful people working together there towards the shared goal of sustained freedom. I love listening to this talk, truly. It inches me towards the euphoria of death.