Friday, June 26, 2015

"Isn't it pretty to think so?"

Oh, I just don't know what to write about today. A reasonably small but persistent weight has been lifted, my health should be returning to normal within a month or so (recovery depending), by which time the divorce should be finalized with an equitable custody agreement in place. All that is required of me is that I return to the gym and negotiate my unpaid dues. 

The past is finally becoming the past, again.

Yesterday, when Rhys arrived at my house and saw the piano in the living room he said, Wow, that's beautiful.

I had never heard him use the word before. He describes Mommy as pretty, which I am obligated but sometimes hesitant to agree with, not wanting to seem overly enthusiastic concerning the boy's affections, though I've never heard him use the other, which he accomplished in the three syllable form. 

Don't get me wrong, she is very pretty, but she is other things also. I would be reluctant to claim that she is nothing but pretty, etc. I did so in the past only under the pain and danger of marriage.

No, I kid.... just blowing off a little cold, stale steam for old time's sake. I am happy to be done with it all. Relieved is perhaps the better word, but there is a happiness there also, mixed generously with other feelings, some not so triumphant nor comical in tone.

The relief from pain is not happiness, it is something else. Anyone that has ever needed morphine knows. It is very welcoming, more powerful even than when the drug wears off and one rises back towards the surface of suffering. Alleviation from misery is not happiness, it is something else, much closer to contentment, and therein perhaps lies its truest danger.