(A film by Gaspar Noé)
One can not, after all, only watch old films. Every so often a film fan should explore the dark, sad underbelly of sustained heavy drug use. The film is a boring morality tale, but it is visually interesting. The strobe effect is somehow shocking and mesmerizing. It correlates to some drug experiences. Ultimately, the film is an interesting drag, an increasingly dismal hallucination, too heavy-handed to achieve any lift. It demonstrates that drugs cause recurring miseries. I sort of already knew that. It must be fascinating for a naif, though. The film, like the drug experience it attempts to emulate, are ultimately a taxing indulgence.
I started watching Under The Skin with Scarlett Johansson today. It is also a darkly cerebral film. I may need to slow down on how much contemporary apocalyptic messaging I can endure. The black hole of the heart should only ingest so many solar systems at a time.
I gave up on the film after about 45 minutes and went to an even nicer baseball diamond again with the boy. The Sonoma Boy's and Girl's Club - it's where mom used to work. A proper baseball field with cage dugouts and a high arched fence above home plate. The boy has strong, positive associations here. Mom's water broke on the steps here while I was at work, almost nine years ago. She had just finished her interview. There are two flights of stairs to get to the parking lot.
They didn't hire her, but then they changed their mind about a year later. There is something wholesome and inspiring about the circularity of the place in our story. Mom raised money for the organization, of which we are all very proud. Life was not any simpler then but it seems as if it should have been, looking back now just before I go to sleep.