Sunday, October 27, 2019

Kiran and Tessa

Batman will hate that I have posted this picture. He will have a personally held ideal that doing so violates, something about sentiment, or maybe the shame of something exhibited so vulgarly. I have heard about these unshared principles between he and I many times in the past. C├ęst la View.

The wedding was beautiful. Very. I did not bring my camera and only took iPhone pictures but that was okay with me. I didn't look like a twat carrying the cursed device around - a firearm that captures potential harms as it creates them. There isn't very much that I can do at a wedding that is any different than what anybody else can do. Access. We all have pretty much the same in that celebratory space.

I dj'd the reception. That was interesting and fun and went well, I think. Something so familiar returned to after an absence seems strange. I questioned how I could do such a thing for so long, and derive so much sense of self  or even self-value from the doing of it. But that's what I did. I noticed last night what a tough and yet easy way it is to forge your story about yourself. Life is hard, expression of any kind renders you vulnerable.

The bride and the groom were very happy and thankful that I did this for them. I was grateful for the opportunity and the honor of helping. It gave me reason to care about music again and to think about the tastes of someone other than myself. That will wear off quickly now, probably. But I felt it, and I'll ponder what that means. It gave me some interesting perspective on how I have changed. It is good to help your friends. That they think enough of me to have me do this special thing for them was flattering. It is nice to participate positively in someone else's memories.

And I love them - made happy by the proxy of theirs.