Yes, I have been reduced to only gazing at pictures of the bike that I do not yet possess. The more I look at the tires the less I like them. They will be replaced with an all-black version long before I ever mount it.
And yes, the gravity of the guilt at how expensive that bike was is beginning to catch up with me. I just ordered new shoes and clips. Another $200. I didn't really need to but it felt wrong putting beaten up clips on such a brand new thing of beauty, a marvel of design and newness. A thing that I have yet to see. No as-promised email with the tracking number ever arrived.
Dealing with guys at bike shops in California (it's a German company, but their distribution headquarters is based in California) requires a special calmness, one that borders on stupidity. They are not quite the assholes that surfers are, or can be, but they're not very far off either. They all seem mildly territorial about all space all of the time, but not enough to challenge anybody. Back in Florida we used to find any stupid reason to kick the shit out of people like that, for fun.
In truth, I know nothing about the company that I bought a bike from - Canyon. I just liked their design, the feature set, and the cost. Ok, I read a number of glowing reviews, also, and every biking friend I have speaks highly of them. As much as the bike cost, it still would have been much more than it was if I had purchased in a store. The markup on bikes is significant. Buying directly from manufacturers gets you a useful discount. The bike shop still makes money. I'm not going to assemble something that precise. They live for that stuff.
The disappointment is that I likely won't even be able to incorporate this bike very well into a mountain biking trip I'm taking in October to Sedona. Something more than a gravel bike is required for rides like this and this, though not by very much. I could almost use the new bike, but it would only be to prove a point to myself.
My more than adequate mountain bike is the right choice for that trip.
These two bikes will be the only ones that I'll have now, more than anyone needs. I'll have to cremate the one that I was hit on - a Trek Domane 4.5 - to dispel the bad juju that now surrounds it. The Kona Honzo AL that I have used as an exercise bike will go the way of the Tyrannosaurus Rex, king of the terrible lizards.
A bright burning rock will scream from the skies and set the earth and oceans afire. The end is nearer now than ever before, but not for very long.