Wednesday, October 6, 2010

This is not a technical support line...

I must not understand anything.

Let me give you some back-story... I work for a computer company doing technical support. So, I get anywhere from 3 to 5 calls/texts/emails/random bar conversations/etc./etc./etc. each and every week asking me for some sort of technical support. It is usually something well outside my area of knowledge, but always well within their area of need.

There is no easy way to say, I'm sorry but I can't help you. Or, I can't help your friend, or the friend of your friend, or anybody, right now, I'm trying to do many difficult and easy things with my own life.

No matter what you respond with they will trot out their problem to you. Even when you have already repeatedly expressed to them that you have no way of helping, and talking about technical problems is not what you most prefer on your time off; neither is the history of computing, nor where to buy necessary components, nor when new models will be released, nor why you can't get wi-fi at sea, nor can you get them a discount on a new computer, Norton... nor-anything.

None of this works, no matter how many times you try.

All they see is that you can help them, and you should help them: they would help you, etc.

But they work in an industry where people don't stalk them the way that they stalk somebody with technical skills. They work at The Pottery Barn, where the discount they get is very straightforward and untransferable, except in the most domestic and suburban of ways. Or, they work in finance.... I have never asked somebody in finance to give either me or somebody I know money because they need "help." This simple request is actually far less complicated than most of the requests I get.

The requests I get almost always involve much of my time and expense, and the the person I am supposed to help, who I usually hardly know at all, if at all, assumes the expenses involved are me trying to rape them. I believe it is car mechanics who have made people feel this way. You always have to just trust them and it always cost more than you hoped it would.

But no money should ever change hands when you are just "helping" a "friend"... or even a friend of a friend, ad infinitum.

I am going to adopt this attitude when dealing with all of my "friends"... dental work will suddenly cost me nothing, a little short on cash... nothing to worry about, I have lots of friends in finance, need some new clothes? but, of course, I have many friends in fashion, need some time off? well, fuck me, I've got friends that do nothing at all.... I never thought about how truly wonderful this world can be. If I feel like having a beer: I have friends that drink. When I feel like sleeping: I know people who have died. If I'd like to feel young: I know kids. If assumed wisdom is what I seek: I know so many soon-to-be corpses it would take a plague to deprive me of any freshly atrophied opinions.

Oh god, please make it stop.....

I must not understand anything at all.