CS tells me that I can be happy if I just make more money. That is, unless there is some underlying cause for my unhappiness that is not monetarily related. The research which he relayed to me this morning does not guarantee results over $500k a year, so this correlation is approximately half the happiness the FDIC insures, but perhaps in time new evidence will suggest an even better return on my investments into happiness.
I have splurged recently on buying used studio gear. It's like camera gear, it becomes a stupid obsession and before long you own items that are redundant, particularly if you happen to like a certain era or production or type of effect. Apparently I am just in love with rack-mount digital effects and analog filters.
This is why I need that 4-track Tascam cassette recorder that CS sent to me - to help hide some of those digital artifacts. I have high hopes for it, but I know what it arriving here will mean for me - time, money, and effort. Everything has a learning curve. I told myself that things would "come back to me," but I forgot that I was a drug addict when I learned how to use these machines.
There are four items on their way to me now, and I have been opening boxes for two weeks as they arrive. I have filled the entire studio rack I purchased and now I must adhere to the 1-in/1-out principle. There is no more space available. I guess I'll only make room for the most expensive stuff now. I suppose I could have another rack just for the guitar effects, but that is shameful thinking. I'm just making excuses for having over-spent, purchasing things that are not all that useful to me. Though it sure felt good to press the purchase button on a few of them.
I made a credit card payment this morning. Usually when I do this I pay it all the way off, but that was not an option.
My friend, Z, told me this morning that she does not believe any of us were ever addicts. She emphasized this about me in particular. She wants me to attend one of our friend's 50th birthday party in NYC in June where that will be one of the primary focuses. So, this oddly fact-free narrative of hers was motivated at least in part by that. I pointed out that we have all been partying somewhat continuously since the late 80s/early 90s.
She made a pretty good point: not me.
What is the word for people who still do hard drugs in their 40s and 50s, and then presumably into their 60s and beyond? Is there a word for it? Those that have learned to cleverly "manage their intake." They all have great jobs, and families, and yet. William Burroughs wrote a book about one form of that behavior.
Ok, it is a day off from work for me, and I must get to it. I had hoped to keep the boy out of school and go snowboarding but the storms have closed all of the resorts. There are avalanche warnings. Imagine such a thing. Tons and tons of snow sliding down a mountain at speeds that no snowboarder could possibly hope to achieve to escape it. Some of them travel at over 200 miles per hour. Even small ones can get up to 100 mph within just seconds of when they start. Everything in nature can become a horror of sudden death.
Happy Friday!
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