Saturday, July 29, 2017

Hello, climacteric

I'm feeling sentimental lately - old songs in the car, thoughts of people from the past. I happen upon wandering memories trapped in old photo apps. I'm not sure if I miss New York or the group of friends that I had there, but I'd like to go back and find out. Though I suppose there is only so much separating of those two things - places and people. Could I go back to New York and sneak in and out of the city? I wonder what that would feel like. Perhaps there are better cities to try that in than in New York. At some point that plan would break down. During the phone call when I am booking a hotel room and I am about to provide my credit card information for a the smallest room they have at $350 a night, it will occur to me that I've always preferred to visit with my friends. What sort of a monster would deprive my friends of me.

How did I go from feeling sentimental to trying to visit NYC without seeing my friends in one paragraph? It must be menopausal - these waves of fluctuating impulses. Maybe I'll start crying here in a few seconds. 

It frightens me when women laugh while putting on lipstick. It seems nearly diabolical, even at its most innocent. 

I imagine that there are some people who have lived their lives in fear of not having enough money. Not me. For me, those feelings just started, right as I parallel park into my fifth decade. I haven't had to endure those feelings for most of my life. which worries me a bit. Is it too late to worry? 

No, it's never too late to worry. It's only ever too late to act. One can always squeeze in a little emergency concern. Among all of the other great things about youth, it's the capacity for capriciousness that I tell myself I miss the most. 

Starbucks should make a Caramel Capriccino, but only when they feel like it. 


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